Forgiveness is not easy when someone hurts you, it takes great strength (and maturity) to take a deep breath, set yourself aside, and accept Sincere apology. But what happens if the person you need to forgive is yourself?
Forgiveness is often defined as a deliberate decision to let go of feelings of anger, resentment, and revenge toward someone you think has offended you. However, while you may be very generous in your ability to forgive others, it becomes difficult when you deal with yourself.
Whether you made a few careless comments about a Zoom meeting recently, or tired of not sticking to a goal you set for yourself, you may feel impossible to forgive yourself.
How do you forgive yourself?
Here are the reasons and how to forgive oneself, simply because it deserves this “release” in order to continue living in an atmosphere free of shame and guilt and to move forward with better options.
Treat yourself as if you would treat your best friend
When we do something that violates moral standards, we often begin to beat ourselves up about it, to no avail. So we have to practice a lot of self-compassion, according to Marital Relations and Family Medicine Specialist Emily Jamie. SELF.
To clear it up when your close friend calls you after breaking up with his partner and starts saying terrible things about himself; Most likely you will tell him: “You are a human being – be kind to yourself, we all make mistakes.”
However, we do not say this sentence to ourselves in the midst of the “self-flagellation” stage; So what would it look like to address yourself as if you were talking to a friend?
“This question alone can help provide perspective and mitigate the negative feelings we have about ourselves,” says Dr. Jamie.
If you are badly cruel to your friends (under the guise of “honesty”), this advice may not work.
Instead, try to look at yourself as if you were a child, the idea – in her opinion – is to soften your heart about your mistakes.
Relations consultant Robert Allan and associate professor of couples and family therapy at the University of Colorado says that you must remember that “making mistakes is human.” He added, “There is a difference between saying” What I did was terrible “and” I am terrible. “
Write (or speak) the facts
Often times when you do something wrong, you can feel a raging wave of guilt.
Add to it a foggy mixture of shame andCatastrophic thinkingOr, even trying to deny the effect your actions had.
In this case, it may help to write it down, even if it isn’t pretty, to say it out loud to yourself, or to discuss it with someone you trust and not worry about their judgment of your actions.
The secret here is to do everything necessary to assume responsibility for the act and prepare for what must be done in the next stage.
Remember that all behaviors have deep roots
Alan says if you yell when you are angry or work hard to please others, these tactics likely helped you at some point.
So remind yourself that even though it is time to let go of these strategies, they have enabled you to survive.
To this end, forgiveness should include “accepting this part of ourselves.”
Think of it as your personality; Meaning: Thank these habits for helping you, but – since they no longer elicit joy or provide emotional protection – let them.
Try to fix
At this point, you’ve looked at your situation through a more sympathetic lens, called what happened by names, and decided how destructive behaviors were beneficial in the past, so ask yourself now how would you like to compensate ?!
Suppose you are mad at yourself because you let another week go by without cleaning your apartment, take a look at your appointments and make a better day.
If your temper tends to shout at others when hungry, for example, try to control this matter so that you do not reach this advanced stage.
The idea is not to punish yourself, according to Dr. Jamie, but rather: “The amendment takes an apology one step further by admitting responsibility for what you did and committing to change it in the future.”
Remember that forgiveness is a process that takes time
Part of the reason why self-forgiveness appears blurry and pointless is that it is not just one-off illnesses, and it will not be automatic after you say, “I’m sorry” in the mirror.
“Forgiveness is an active process and it can take a repetition,” says Dr. Alan. This may not be the only conversation you need to get rid of the grudge you hold against yourself.
You may need to work with a therapist or other mental health professional to support you.
Take care of yourself, mentally and physically
Because guilt is a deep feeling, it can manifest itself through stress that negatively affects your overall health.
Psychiatrist Jenny Scott warns in a journal Oprah From the following: “If we endure feelings of guilt and shame for too long, this may cause our relationships to diverge, change our perception of ourselves, and greatly affect our confidence and our mental health.”
This is why it is important to apologize and forgive yourself as quickly as possible, and if you are having a serious problem moving forward, seek help from a therapist.
It is worth noting that self-forgiveness is a powerful practice, but it is not intended for people who unfairly blame themselves for something for which they are not responsible.